The 20 Funniest Grumpy Cat Tweets of 2014

Grumpy Cat

Grumpy Cat is the best. She’s actually not grumpy, and this is not her real name. She’s actually Tardar Sauce, and she’s just your everyday feline who was cursed with the unfortunate facial expression caused by feline dwarfism. Since September 2012 when her picture first surfaced on Reddit, the cat has grown so much in popularity that she’s the subject of thousands of internet memes, photos, calendars and she even has a starring role in a movie all about her that will premiere on the Lifetime network this fall. Grumpy Cat is also a big fan of Twitter, and she “tweets” her grumpy thoughts regularly. Since we like to laugh, and we know you like to laugh, we thought we’d brighten up your day with a list of Grumpy Cat’s funniest tweets of the year.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“A short poem: Do teachers understand you take other classes?”

A short answer: No. Why is this funny? Because even if you’re not a student anymore, you understand exactly what this means; been there, done that. It seems every teacher in the world – those same teachers that did go to school as well – forget that you have other classes, not just their class, and load you down so much with homework and projects and tests that you don’t have any time for anything fun in your life. it’s like they want you to learn something and get an education that will help you in your future life. Go figure.

Photo by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images

Grumpy Cat

“Diet ideas: Eat whatever you want, and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too,”

It sounds about right. Grumpy cat has an excellent point here. There’s so much focus on dieting that we should instead just focus on eating whatever we want and then ignoring people who have something to say about it. Who needs good health and a long, active lifestyle? While we hear you, Grumpy Cat, we still wish that we could just eat whatever we want and not have to worry about our weight or our health or any of those things that will make our lives a lot easier – and better.

Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for MTV

Grumpy Cat

“Today I’m wearing a nice dark shade of exhaustion under my eyes,”

Aren’t we all, Grumpy Cat? But in reality, we do wonder how it is you are exhausted? You’re a cat, and those of us with cats understand that most cats simply sleep all day long and play all night. Perhaps if you stopped chasing hair ties and cat toys all over the house all night long none of us would be so exhausted from listening to you do this all night. It’s just a suggestion on the part of all cat owners, but really, Grumpy Cat, consider it.

Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images

Grumpy Cat

“You can’t stop the waves of depression, but you can learn to surf them,”

Depression is not a joke, but if you can learn to make it into a joke, you’re probably getting better. Of course, looking at the bright side of things is not possible when one is depressed, but it’s nice to be able to joke about a sad mood in a way that allows you to cheer up. What we think Grumpy Cat is saying here is that even when you’re down, you can find something entertaining to do to make things seem a bit more exciting and acceptable.

Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for MTV

Grumpy Cat

“Relationship status: Eating,”

Eating doesn’t talk back. Eating doesn’t try to carry on a conversation with you in the middle of the big game. Eating doesn’t care if you’re nice to its mom. Eating is good for you. Well, eating will make you fat and it will make it difficult to find love if it’s all you do, but it does understand. Eating is just fine if you’re not with someone else. Eating gets it. Especially this time of year when that’s all we do in America. Halloween candy followed by that massive Thanksgiving dinner followed by a month of straight up Christmas food eating; we have to get on board with it now.

Photo by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images

Grumpy Cat

“95% of the time when I’m smiling at the phone it’s bc of something I said, not something someone sent me. I’m hilarious,”

It’s probably safe to say that the vast majority of us feel this way. I know, for one, that when I’m looking at my phone, it’s to laugh at myself. Well, it’s not. My friends are funnier than I, but most of us do make ourselves laugh entirely too hard at our own jokes from time to time. Grumpy Cat is just someone who needs some love and attention from those around her, and it’s time for her to find more hilarious friends. If she’s only laughing at her own wit, she’s missing out.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“It’s almost 2015 and food can still make you fat get it together science,”

To borrow a phrase from Snoop Dogg, “Fo’ rizzle my nizzle.” Why have scientists not figured out a way to let us eat whatever we want, whenever we want and not get fat? Oh right, they have. It’s called moderation and exercise. Okay, so technically there is a way but it’s too much work. What we really need is something else, like something we don’t have to get up to use or move to do. At the end of the day, we all just want to lie down and relax while getting skinny, right? That whole exercise for endorphins and a better mood and less stress thing is overrated, according to Grumpy Cat.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“You’re about as relevant as Mean Girls 2,”

Thank you. May I borrow this to use in my everyday life? This could be my new go-to line if I really didn’t have that whole southern hospitality thing my parents raised me to understand. What we think that Grumpy Cat is trying to say here is that sometimes your opinion or thoughts just don’t matter to anyone but you. It’s okay; you don’t have to be relevant to everyone. As long as you like you, things are looking pretty good in your own home.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made u skinny,”

Life would be great if pizza made us skinny! It would also be great if ice cream, wine, cookies, bread and French fries made us skinny. Unfortunately, none of the good stuff makes us skinny. Of course, we could just ignore all that and eat away, but we won’t. We have holiday photos coming up, followed closely by bikini season. At the end of the day, what we think Grumpy Cat is trying to say is that we all desperately just want to be a bunch of unhealthy gluttons, but it does sound appealing.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“Sprays febreeze on your attitude”

Sometimes, people need something to make them smell a little better when their attitude just stinks. We’ve all been there. In fact, I think we should all start carrying febreeze in our bags and spraying it on people when they aren’t being as respectful as they should be. It would be a lot of fun, but the world would probably reek a bit too much like fall pumpkin apple harvest spice, or whatever the popular scent is these days.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“I don’t like that tone of voice you’re texting me in,”

And here I thought I was the only one that could detect tone in a string of typed words. I guess that’s what happens when people use all caps, ignore emoticons and don’t type out the full word. Let’s look at what Grumpy Cat is talking about. “I love you!!!!!” vs. “luv u”. Clearly, the first person loves you a lot. The second person is only saying it because it has to be said and he or she feels trapped into being polite, but doesn’t really love you at all. Or maybe they’re in traffic and only have a second before the light turns green. Either way, it looks tone-ish.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“She wears short skirts I wear tee-shirts and we’re both getting sent home from school because it’s distracting to boys apparently,”

Taylor Swift said it herself, but she didn’t mention how distracting this was to the boys at school. Has nothing changed in the past 16 years since I started high school? Are boys still overwhelmingly distracted and turned on by shoulder blades and knee caps that girls are still being sent home if their shirts aren’t too their knees and their shoulders aren’t covered and their shorts aren’t down to their mid-calf area? How ridiculous. I think that boys are hormonal as a rule at this age, but shoulder’s are a bit of a specific fetish for a 16-year-old boy – especially since we all know it’s what’s a few inches below and in front of those that’s really appealing.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“Puppies are touchable happiness,”

Puppies are cute, and it’s hilarious to have a cat reminding us of this little fact. Who knows of a cat, particularly one this grumpy, who loves puppies? Most cats find dogs ridiculous, but it’s nice to see that there is something in the world that makes Grumpy Cat a little less grumpy than we all thought. After all, we do love a cat that does love a puppy.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“Sometimes when I say ‘I’m Okay,’ what I really want is for some1 to hold my hand, look me in the eyes & say “IK that ur not ok, here’s $1000,”

Okay. We’ll take it. It does seem like Grumpy Cat has a point here. The point is that sometimes you’re in a bad mood, having a bad day or just plain upset so people should offer you cash to help cheer you up. It seems like something that would work particularly well. We like it. We vote all people should consider this as an option when they’re having a bad day or come across someone having a bad day.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“My anaconda will consider it,”

Well, that’s good because Nicki Minaj’s doesn’t want anything to do with it if it doesn’t have buns. Of course, Grumpy Cat is obsessed with eating so it might be the same in a much different context. Either way, this one made us laugh out loud in a literal sense. It even involved the removal of coffee from the computer screen. Nicki Minaj has a way of making things sound so…interesting. But Grumpy Cat just took it all a step further.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“Running seems like a great idea until you actually start running,”

Word. Running is a great idea. It’s healthy and good for you and it makes you fit, gives you less stressful feelings and makes you happier. It’s also tiring and a lot of work, and sometimes it’s cold and other times it’s too hot. It also involves a lot of physical activity, and we discussed earlier than the world as a whole would rather just eat pizza and cookies and take a magic pill that would make them skinny instead of this whole good health thing.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“My least favorite animals are children,”

Mine, too, Grumpy Cat. Mine, too. Kidding, I love kids. I have four of them. But I do get what you’re saying. Our kids and animals are all about the same in terms of annoying habits, neediness and their complete lack of regard for using inside voices. They also all think that it’s perfectly acceptable to eat of my plate when I look away for a half second, which it is absolutely not okay to do. It just goes to show that kids are animals, and animals are kids and they’re all similar for a few years, at least.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“If your thighs touch, then you’re one step closer to being a mermaid so who’s the real winner here?”

Who doesn’t want to be a mermaid? While we’re big fans of being healthy and fit, we do think that sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture. Perhaps touching thighs is the first step in the evolution of the mermaid. Perhaps it’s time we stop working our legs out at the gym and focus on other areas so that when the world becomes a giant pool of water we, too, can become mermaids.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“How do you politely push someone off a cliff?”

My suggestion would be to say excuse me, and then apologize profusely, and even throw in a lovely and sincere compliment prior to the actual pushing, but I’m being told you can’t push people off cliffs because it’s not nice. Also, it’s not legal. So let’s not do that in real life. However, it’s perfectly fine to daydream about it from time to time, especially since Grumpy Cat is obviously doing it in his free time as well.

Photos by Facebook 

Grumpy Cat

“What if ice cream licked you back?”

That would be absolutely disgusting. There’s really nothing else to say here, but now that the picture is in your mind, it’s pretty obvious that it’s completely disgusting and gross. What if your food did the same thing to you that you do to it? That would be beyond creepy and weird. We’re just going to spend the day thinking that we’re happy ice cream, or any other food for that matter, just sits on the plate and lets us eat it without putting up a fight.

Photos by Facebook 

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