Reality television; it’s everywhere. It’s so everywhere that just about every show on the television these days involves no script and people you’ve never met but end up knowing personally because they allow cameras into every aspect of their lives. And television producers sure do know how to pick them. In fact, they must have some seriously crazy personal relationships of their own considering just how well they pick the craziest, most insane, most incredibly awful and entertaining people on the planet on which to feature in our daily lives. Not that we are complaining, of course, since we do watch this stuff. It’s pretty obvious that we do watch it, even if we all deny it, because there are more and more of these shows every single day and they’re not being cancelled so that means someone, somewhere is tuning in – says the Real Housewives junkie.
But we got to thinking that some of these shows would be so much more interesting if they featured cats instead of people. Not that we are the crazy cat ladies over here by any means, but sometimes a show is just bad and the people in it so unrelateable and awful that we thought it would be so much more fun to see the show from the cat’s perspective. So we’ve taken 10 of the shows we currently watch on television and we’ve decided to change them out from people to cats and we think that we are on to something. Seriously, television producers; get on this. It’s television gold, we are certain of that.
Animal House Hunters
How much fun would it be to take cats on a shopping excursion for their new house? I think that it would be far more entertaining than listening to humans tell realtors what they want in terms of absolute perfection in a home with their $5 budget. Cats are probably smarter than that.
The Not-So Amazing Race
Someone put some cat nip at the end of a destination and allow some cats to go after it. It would prove most entertaining in our minds, and we think that people would actually tune in for this one. We just recommend that this one be a little bit more local and a little less global.
Project Runway: Cats and Yarn
Cats are fun to watch around machines that they aren’t familiar with, so let’s get some cats in front of a sewing machine, hand them some yarn and let them go to town. It would be fantastic, am I right?
Biggest Loser: Not These Lazy Felines
Cats can get fat, and we’d love to see them on a diet, exercising and having to be way more active than they ever wanted to be in their lives. It would be oddly entertaining and kind of hilarious, don’t you think?
The Real Housecats of New Jersey
You know how Dina has that hairless cat and some other animals of questionable descent? Well, we think that it would be so much more fun to watch these crazy Jersey women from the cat’s eyes. We think they’d be filled with judgment and resignation; much like our own.
Instead of watching crazy women compete for the love of one man and act shocked and appalled when he’s making out with 24 other women because it’s totally and completely allowed – and encouraged – we thought it would be more fun to watch cats date one another. Which one will he pick? Which one is less crazy than the others? We do think, however, that with 25 felines competing for one male cat’s heart that things could get a little catty. Seriously, I had to go there. You know I did.
Jersey Cat Shore
Okay, so we think that this is ingenious. The Jersey Shore itself seems like a normal beach with some nice activities that would make for a good time, but then there are the people that got to be a part of this reality series. And we think that they were pretty questionable, not all that entertaining and way too orange. Let’s replace them with some orange tabbies and let them hang out on the beach for a summer at a time. Seems like maybe it would work out a bit more than Snooki.
Say Yes to the Dress Since You’re a Cat and Have no Choice
People are forever planning cat weddings, so why not take this one a step further and ensure that the cats forced to get married against their will – and the sanity of their owners – are at least dressed for the occasion. We think the women of Kleinfeld’s make the purrfect bridal attendants when it comes to find a purrfect dress for a cat. I mean, let’s be honest – they’ve got to be less demanding than some of the brides on this show.
Naked and Afraid because There are Bigger Cats Out Here
We think it might not be much of a stretch considering this has got to be how cats feel on a daily basis anyway, especially hairless cats. Let’s throw some hairless cats outside in the wilderness, or in an abandoned building, and let them find love as they cower in the nude next to other naked cats all while trying not to make it awkward in the least. Does being naked make this situation worse? I’m going with yes, considering these people have their most valuable assets hanging out for all the bugs, critters and elements to destroy; and that is terrifying.
It’s new, I’ve never watched it; but I have seen the preview for it on the Ellen show, and it just looks awful. So let’s make it better. Let’s let cats go in that box in front of an audience wearing their robes, knowing that they are about to enter a box on a stage to perform personal and intimate acts with their partner while the people staring at the box wonder precisely what is happening inside. It’s creepy. It’s disgusting. It’s a true testament that the world has lost what little brain cells it had left after all the other reality television shows we’ve watched. But it’s probably so much better with cats.
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