Kittens are out to get you. No. I’m serious, those tiny furry noses are out to distract you from the most serious work, get you sick, and have you up late worrying about their constant partying. Well, maybe not partying, but you get the point, here are the six ways kittens are definitely out to kill you.
Stress level through the roof
What new kitten owner doesn’t worry about what their kitten is eating, if they are doing okay, and what that sneezing fit means. Having a new kitten in the house can be so stressful, and that’s deadly. Stress can kill, it’s one of the most harmful neurotoxins! Gosh, what if you come home to find your little grimalkin chilling with a nice Italian dinner, cats can’t eat garlic bread or wine! So much stress caused by kittens.
Disease Harbingers of Doom
Kitten are the most adorable disease-carrying harbingers of doom that exist on the globe. Not only do they rarely show symptoms, but they will lower your defenses with luxurious purring while secretly infecting you with Helminths. You have to carefully watch your cat because simple appearance changes, new habits, or even just coughing secrets to your other cats could be signs your cat is seriously ill and may be trying to infect you. Taking your cat into the vet to avoid a tiny apocalyptic plague cat is a great idea if you’re unsure.
Cats are a distraction, and while I’m sure you love every minute of it, it can make it super hard to get work done. If you have a home office, you can probably relate to endless hours throwing the mouse toy to your cat, or losing all your ambition to do laundry when Fluffy plops itself into the middle of your oh, so warm laundry. Your enchanting fluff-ball is only trying to distract you with it’s adorable antics, and loving charms until you have been so distracted it destroys you.
You Can Never Escape!
You can’t even ditch them! They are so cute, and moving with them is nearly impossible. The process of getting them accustomed to your house is already an arduous process of keeping them calm, and your neighbors are used to them. That cat has you right where it wants you, and they know it. Oh kitten, we see through your plans.
More! Better, Bigger!
One kitten is definitely out to get you, but more than one cat is definitely a pack of trouble. While it’s tempting to adopt every box of kittens you see, it’s just not practical. Plus giving your cat a companion can cause additional stress that may make it retaliate against you. You will always want more cats though. Bigger, better, more plotting cats.
So CUTE You Might Die!
Looking at pictures of cats on the internet is enough to make your heart melt into a squishy pile of goosh and nothingness. Like an ice cream sandwich held under a hairdryer in a spaceship ablaze, hurtling towards the sun, your heart melted and evaporated before the long hand of the clock had time to move. Kittens are so cute! Think of how cute unfiltered, live kitten time will be. It might be so magnificently fluffy that your soul will burst from the top of your skull as though you are being raptured. Oh kitten, you are just too cute.
Kittens are definitely out to get you. If you can survive the cuteness, the disease, and distractions, you will only want more. Those fuzzy fluff-balls are the harbingers of doom, so beware, the kitten is out to get you!